From Suspicion to Friendship
I walked into a Starbucks with urgency.
A project was due by the end of the day, and I needed to focus.
But I was already discouraged.
Earlier that morning, I had scrolled through my social media feed. The state of our divisions and polarization had planted seeds of distrust in my mind.
Who can you trust these days? I wondered.
I scanned the coffee shop and noticed two vacant tables in the corner. Two older white men were sitting nearby in a passionate conversation. I sat one table away and dove straight into my work.
Because of proximity, I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation. It sounded like they were frustrated about Washington being a predominantly blue state and feeling stuck with certain policies.
And just like that, the seeds of distrust that had been planted earlier started to grow.
A quiet assumption surfaced in my mind:
Older white men frustrated about living in a blue state… that sounds like MAGA.
But i paused.
Meanwhile, I later learned something interesting.
From their vantage point, they had noticed a Black man walking into a Starbucks in Olympia wearing a hat that says “Dare to Be a Friend” and thought he seems friendly.
But in today’s climate, one can’t be too sure of anything. “He may well be MAGA too “ they thought.
So they were cautious too.
For about ten minutes, the three of us simply minded our own business.
Then something small happened.
A nod.
A smile.
A moment of eye contact.
And Mark stepped into courage.
He looked at my hat and said:
“I saw what your hat says… and I figured I should talk to you.”
That simple comment sparked a one-hour conversation.
We talked about where they came from.
Their career paths.
My work.
We shared frustrations about the state of our communities and our politics. But more importantly, we shared a longing for a different kind of leadership and a different kind of community.
I told them about my forthcoming book on befriending as a path toward healing our divided communities.
At one point Mark paused and said something that stayed with me.
“You know, when I woke up this morning and came into the store, I was discouraged and angry. But this conversation… it restored my hope. That’s the work. It’s hard, but I’m going to engage some of the people I have the hardest time with.”
The truth is, all three of us nodded.
We had all walked in carrying some level of suspicion.
Yet there was something unexpectedly healing about befriending strangers and sharing a longing for more supportive and connected communities.
I’m grateful for Mark and Peter (pseudonyms for privacy)
And yes— I still got my work done.
That one hour was not lost. It invigorated me. It sharpened my focus.
Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is pause long enough to be human with someone else.
A few reflections I’m carrying with me:
• How often do our suspicions and fears get in the way of connection?
• What might courage look like in everyday settings like a coffee shop?
• How often do we refrain from engaging because our to-do list is full?
• What moments of connection might be waiting for us if we simply pause and pay attention?
Sometimes the very thing that restores our hope is sitting just one table away and may look suspicious at first.