The Tale of Two Americas
The shared cry for home
By Parfait Bassalé
Like in a well-scripted romantic comedy, where two lovers who are madly in love with each other misread the signals, exit the scene too soon, and leave the audience wondering what could have been—so it is with us.
We too are collectively missing the chance of mutual embrace that could quench our longing for belonging.
Let me explain.
After twenty five years as a transplant from West Africa to the USA, by all accounts I have built a good life. By God’s grace, I lack nothing, and I am grateful for my wife, my children, and my community.
Still, every now and then I miss home—a longing stronger than my rational mind can suppress. I miss the sounds, the familiar smells, the nuance of the language, the food, and the people.
So I go on Instagram or YouTube and watch clips of my favorite African and French thinkers and authors. I listen to songs of my youth. The mastery, the poetry, and familiar melodies take me on a time travel. The memories and the rush of emotions trigger tears. Tears that betray my grief. A particular type—one that only comes from unexpected change, forced displacement, or closed doors.
In that private and vulnerable place, far from all eyes, I answer the critic within and without:
“Yes, I know. I have a good life—but I miss and long for home.”
Two longings. One ache.
That’s why as I watch one America who longs for home—reaching for a signpost that reads you belong too—I understand her and relate to her. Even if that signpost is as simple as hearing Spanish at the Super Bowl halftime show… or any language that isn’t English… and feeling, for a moment, I am not an afterthought. I am part of us. Home is here.
And as I watch the other America—the one who also misses home—I understand her too. I get her yearning for tastes, sounds, and ways that are familiar. Echoes of the past. Memories that can dress the wounds of loneliness, unrealized dreams, anxiety, and loss.
She is disoriented. Displaced in her own way. Grasping for any relics of the past—be it faith, music, or tradition, in all their imperfection—to remind her of what it felt like to belong.
Will they meet? Will they hear each other’s cry for home?
Or will they keep pointing fingers while retreating into their defensive positions and miss the moment again?
A befriending invitation
In The Way of Befriending, I contend that we find belonging in the courageous movement toward the other—unexpected acts of curiosity and compassion that disrupt two harmful storylines: learned helplessness—the belief that I am only a victim—and dehumanization—the belief that the enemy is the Other.
When these two scripts feed off each other, they tell a deadly simplistic story:
You are the enemy keeping me from home.
Befriending does not ask us to abandon conviction or our longings. It asks us to muster the courage to look in the mirror long enough to name the fears and assumptions at work in us—so they don’t quietly take the wheel.
Then it calls us to lead with curiosity: to stay proximate, to listen past the talking points, and to resist the reductionist storyline that says you are the obstacle to my belonging.
And finally, it asks for the courage to be compassionate—not sentimental, not naïve, but brave enough to move toward the other in ways that make room for solutions beyond our initial positions.
And maybe that is the invitation in front of us right now—not to win the cultural moment, but to redeem it.
A few reflection questions
In the case of the Super Bowl halftime show, given the shared cry for home from both Americas, what does courageous engagement entail for you?
What assumptions or fears about the “other America” have taken the wheel and are driving your response? What questions, if you asked, could lead to answers that change how you feel about the other America?
What might a collaborative and mutually compassionate solution look like for a halftime show?
And what would it look like—not from time to time, but as a way of life—to move toward the Other instead of standing against the Other?
Thank you for sharing. Great work!you have done a good job explaining the duality immigrants experience!