The Way of Befriending on Substack
Hello friends!
My name is Parfait Bassalé and I am a singer-songwriter, a Christ follower, and a reconciler.
Forty-five years ago, my life began in Benin Republic. From there, my childhood carried me through Niger and Senegal. I didn’t know then that this journey would eventually take me across the ocean to the American empire.
All this moving—this regular uprooting—made me long over and over again for a place I could finally call home. That experience of displacement freed me from the grip of nationalism and tribalism and pointed me toward God.
Faith and friendships across racial, cultural, economic, and religious lines have shown me that belonging is often found at the doorstep of the Other.
Fueled by my own story and my theological exploration of God’s befriending of humanity in the midst of despair, loneliness, and error, I am now on a mission:
to inspire and equip as many people as possible to befriend the Other.
So join us if, like me, you long for a world where “the Other” can be at home in your presence and through your actions.
After I sang this song at a workshop recently a participant commented: “Home is me. It is you. It is us”. The room was silent after her comments. It was an invitation. A dare. A challenge for everyone in attendance to reflect on their track record with making others feel at home.
1. Why this, why now
Insanity, they say, is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
We are stuck. Stuck in ideological silos, culture wars, and identity politics. As scholar Robert Putnam reminds us, we have become experts at bonding within our tribes and novices at bridging across them. In that fog, we fall back on simplistic, reductionist boxes and labels for one another.
For example, as a naturalized Black immigrant:
I am “only a Black person” to some white people.
“Not Black enough” to some African Americans.
“Just an immigrant” to some American nationalists.
Despite extraordinary technological advances in the twenty-first century, we still have not transcended the tired Us vs. Them mindset that pits us against those who look, see, think, believe, or act differently. We often construct a shared enemy to hold ourselves together—“the MAGA people,” “the liberals”, “the christians”, “the muslims”—forgetting that enemies are often strangers we’ve never truly met.
Yet our lives resist cookie-cutter boxes and easy labels. The “shared enemy” often disappears and becomes a potential friend when we find the courage to get proximate and ask curious, humanizing questions.
I contend that unless we awaken and choose to befriend—to move toward the Other through unexpected acts of courage, curiosity, and compassion that disrupt the same old storyline of Us vs. Them—we are headed toward annihilation.
So yes, this is urgent.
We must #daretobefriend.
We must befriend.
We must be a friend— the unexpected friend.
2. The kind of community we are building here
I envision a community of befrienders—people who are seeking to be liberated from the shackles of tribal identities through the transformative act of befriending the Other.
I envision a community where we:
Seek and speak truth with grace, honoring the inherent dignity of all of God’s children.
Desire the flourishing of all, which means no stone is left unturned in our pursuit of justice and healing—
yet no stone is thrown at one another.Cultivate a space where creativity abounds as we dare to befriend the Other through stories, songs, practices, and policies.
If that resonates with you, you are in the right place.
3. What you can expect
I will share thoughtful pieces that explore what it means to:
be a better friend, and
befriend better—in our families, workplaces, congregations, neighborhoods, and public life.
When it fits, I’ll weave in some of my original songs for social impact to color, inspire, and nuance the ideas. You are welcome to use these songs in your own community, family, classroom, or team gatherings to spark conversation and action.
Upgrade to paid to receive:
Access to frameworks and tools (my befriending frameworks, reflection guides, and practical exercises)
Access to a monthly Befriending Circle
Last Friday of every month
11:00 AM US Pacific Time
A live space to practice courage, curiosity, and compassion together
If you believe in this mission to co-create a world where everyone can experience being befriended—not just debated, tolerated, or categorized—
I invite you to subscribe.
Befriending is for everyone, and your support is greatly appreciated.
Either way, I am grateful you’re here.
Welcome to this journey of befriending the Other.